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Thursday, March 9, 2017

A Repeat on Hot Air in I'mgonastan

As it is BaselWorld season, and we all brace ourselves to digest Las Vegas "all you can eat" sized portions of codswallup regarding the great "what ifs" of watch sales and marketing (i.e. bullshit), this seems like a good one to air out again -

The Other Watch Making Center - I'mgonnastan

I'mgonnastan is a wonderful place where everything happens in the future.  Which means that nothing really has to be demonstrated or proven today.  In I'mgonnastan, you are not really required to show facts, figures, sample pieces or even schematics.  Because in I'mgonnastan the future never really has to be realized.

I'mgonnastan is that place that is frequently referenced during BaselWorld, JCK and just about every sales call that the eager and earnest sales manager makes.  Every year I get a few calls from people working in I'mgonnastan asking for feedback, insight and advice.  This same pattern will repeat itself each year as the person calling from I'mgonnastan either bounces to yet another brand or region.

That hare-brained marketing plan that commits hundreds of thousands of dollars to a partnership that is already dead?  That was cooked up by the crack team in the I'mgonnastan home office.  True, sales figures have slumped so while spending all of that money on Top Chef Zug might have seemed foolish, all of those people who got laid off shouldn't worry, because they're gonna' bring you back just as soon as things get better!

For brands based in I'mgonnastan, the reason why they aren't working to establish new markets is because they're HUGE in Mongolia!

If you are particularly lucky, you will be invited by a brand to an event in I'mgonnastan where you are bored for 2 hours, fed rubber chicken, shown 3 watches that you cannot report on for 3 months, and then wonder what the point was.

Because it's all in the future!  The future is boundless, and anything is possible!

And the crisis that the Swiss industry is in?  Born and raised in I'mgonnastan.

And yes, all of our lives are touched by the hard working people of I'mgonnastan.  I've also noticed that my bank will not accept any of the checks I've received from clients who have accounts with the Fifth National Bank of I'mgonnastan, so perhaps it is time to stop doing business there.

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