Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Jumping the Shark while Shitting the Bed - Tag Heuer

At first I was not sure if this was a delayed April Fools Day joke or not -
Courtesy of Tag Heuer
This morning I was greeted by the strong waft of Patchouli as I opened the latest press announcement from that trusted guardian of the avant garde, Tag Heuer.  For those of you who did not attend university in the Pacific Northwest, per the Urban Dictionary
Patchouli is a foul smelling stench with strong overtones of mold and mildew. It has become popular with young, and sometimes successful, bohemian types. They often wear it to mask their success and to feel more grounded, as they smoke their American spirits and drink PBR. These days there's nothing cooler than smelling like you live in your parents moldy basement.
Why does it smell like a moldy dead guy in here?
Oh, that's just Nikky, she's wearing patchouli again.
This press release is just so goofy that I'm going to let it speak for itself -
INDIO, CA, April 5, 2016 – Swiss Avant Garde watch brand TAG Heuer is extremely proud to announce the brand’s partnership with the Coachella Valley Music & Arts Festival as the official watch for the event. The sponsorship unites the Avant Garde Swiss luxury watch brand with the famed annual music festival. 

Jean-Claude Biver, CEO of TAG Heuer & President of the LVMH Group's Watches Division, said, “TAG Heuer is known in the US as a luxury sport brand, a perception which honors our heritage and mastery of the chronograph movement, however, we also want to distinguish ourselves in other spheres of life to reach different audiences. We’ve connected with new fans of TAG Heuer through our support of musical events and talent, and our ability to communicate with a younger generation will be furthered by this new partnership. We are proud to be associated with Coachella, one of the most popular music festivals in the world”.   

TAG Heuer will host a branded tent in the VIP area. The TAG Heuer lounge will feature various amenities, including a photo booth that generates social media content and a Connected Watch display for guests to interact with TAG Heuer’s latest innovation. TAG Heuer will also unveil the mechanical version of the Connected Watch by introducing the Special Edition Carrera, which features an automatic Calibre 5 movement and will be exclusive to Connected Watch owners. 
I'm guessing the Tag Heuer branded tent is right next to the one selling holistically healing burritos...
Okay, in fairness, I tend to view Coachella the the same sort of enthusiasm as a "cut-rate prostate exam" (thank you JM!), but I thought to myself, the folks at Tag Heuer are such PR geniuses that this MUST be a fantastic idea!  I mean, all of those celebrity ambassadors at the cost of mere millions...
So I did a little research to discover who exactly attends this annual hoedown in the desert.  According to Anna Klassen, there are 23 types of people you will see at Coachella -





And therefore I guess we can add the 24th type of person you will see at Coachella -

24. The out of touch PR/Media department that throws money at marketing ideas like a monkey hurls its own feces against the wall.  In both cases, neither the monkey or the marketing department really know or understand why they are throwing what they are throwing, they simply hope that something will stick.

Perhaps the connected Tag Heuers will have Coachella inspired apps like:
*The Hook-Up App - sort of tinder for concert-goers
*The Is That A Cold Sore Or A Chancre App - goes hand in hand with the Hook-Up App so that you can know what social malady you will need to be treated for post hook-up
*The Alcohol Poisoning Warning App - pretty self-explanatory
*The Where the f&*k Is My Car App - let's face it, it is likely you will be wasted and dehydrated so you will need help finding your car
*The Bathroom Locator App - Oh, wait I forgot, it's a music festival...
*The Shrub/Bush Locator App - Bring your own TP.
*The Are You Really Sure This Tat Is A Good Idea App - Hey, we all make mistakes, you shouldn't have to live with them
  
I am sure the team is working hard on these and other surprises!

Now if any of you Coachellans spot a certain someone out there wearing a puka shell necklace, doing a "hippy-dippy" swirl and handing out cheese, Instagram it!

Having said all of this, I will be pleasantly surprised if this brings the gold rush of new users that Tag is hoping for.  And if so I promise that I will sit in the corner wearing a funny hat.  But to quote the troubadours of my generation - Crack is Whack!  

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