Saturday, July 25, 2015

One Bad Apple...

What I believe we will be reading in 10 years:
"SmartWatchMania - Back in 2015 Apple announced that they would have a smart watch and seemingly sane, rational, intelligent watch executives lost their shit.  And in the process cost their brands and shareholders several millions of dollars, and some of their most loyal employees their jobs."

While the "knowable" totals for Apple's "Smart Watch" sales are, well, not exactly "knowable", it it starting to appear that the "pooping of Wranglers" in Switzerland over the advent of the Apple watch might have been a wee-bit premature.

Let's just say that the numbers we are hearing are not exactly of the usual "orgasmic" level that attaches to a great Apple product launch.  In fairness, I think Apple will not live or die on the smart watch.  But - and this is really what we in the industry (selling, marketing and reporting) should really be asking - just how far the down the toilet did several seemingly sane and rational brands allow themselves to be flushed?

The initial sales were exciting, downright sexy!  But they have started to peter out.  And for Apple, no big deal.  To quote Celine Dion - Their Hearts Will Go On...

But what of Breitling?  A "Smart Chronograph" that is about as smart as Ralph Wiggum eating paste and realizing that if he stops picking his nose, it might just stop bleeding?

Tag Heuer?  On this particular front I am starting to wonder if perhaps it was a "Double Bluff"?  We know what it will be called and how much it will cost.  But this has got to be the watch equivalent of a non-existent girlfriend who suddenly dies when you're trying to win the National Championship for Notre Dame.  I have decided to refer to this model as the "Manti Te'o Dead Girlfriend" .    I am starting to wonder if the folks at Tag Heuer haven't "Catfished" us on this one, and it will drift away once all the SmartWatchMania subsides, never seeing the light of day.

The only folks who seem to have kept their composure while paddling out to try and ride this new wave seem to be Frederique Constant/Alpina.  Basic, simple functions that most people will actually want and use.  I think that they will, at the very least, cover their nut on this one.  But as for every other fool out there, well, to quote that great horological expert Gordon Gekko -
"...they're sheep, and sheep get slaughtered."

Enjoy your watches - be they smart, or not-so-smart.

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