And this just in from the "you couldn't make this stuff up" box: RAKETA’S ANSWER TO AMERICAN SANCTIONS!
(This is just too good in its original form to edit so this is straight, no chaser)
The Petrodvorets Watch Factory “Raketa” has taken the resolution to answer to American and European sanctions against Russia.
Workers of the factory are shocked by these rude and unfair sanctions. This is why the factory has decide to answer to the decadent Western countries. From today the factory has taken the decision not to sell anymore the leading Raketa models to the west. All the models based on “Raketa Avtomat”: «Petrodvorets Calssic», «Amphibia», etc. will no longer be sold to western countries.
Also “Raketa” is recommending to the Russian Parliament (Duma) to vote a new law, forbidding government organisations to buy Western brands that are usually used as presents for employees, partners and friends.
So take that you nasty imperialist stooges!
So for all of you heartbroken lap-dogs of the West who don't know a well-placed apparatchik to smuggle one of these priceless collectibles across the border, fear not! Your old pal Bullwinkle's got you covered!